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"My son would never do something like that. He's innocent." So said the mother of a man accused of killing a deputy sheriff near Albuquerque. At the time of the shooting, Michael Astorga was wanted for another murder, and his brother is currently serving time for murder.

Everywhere we look, there are problems with gangs, graffiti, drugs, school shootings and criminal activities by young people. A few years ago, it was widely believed people turned to crime because they had no opportunity to do anyything else. With more education and opportunity than ever before, these things are growing. It is not a lack of opportunity, or education that is causing the problem.

Children learn from those around them what is acceptable and what is not. Several years ago, while selling at the fleamarket, I observed a small boy pulling a package from another stand and slipping into the crowd. The owner of the stand saw him and started in pursuit. Hidden by the crowd, I watched as the boy handed the package to an older woman, then run out of sight. The older woman hid the package from the owner, until I stepped forward and pointed it out to him. She was actively teaching the boy that theft was acceptable behaviour.

While most parents do not do this, but many do not actively teach them not to do such things, leaving it up to their peers, the school, or a church to set the standards. We see the results almost daily.

The child is given to the parents to be raised and it is their responsibility to teach him what is required to live in the world, including moral standards.

Proverbs 22;6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Training involves more than simply imparting information.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity t observe various people breaking horses. I have watched a number of parents use very much the same techniques in raising children.

Near Tse Bonito, New Mexico, I watched a guy trying to break a horse to ride by forcing the horse to submit. The horse was terrified. The man had gotten a saddle on the horse, by roping and tying him. Everytime he tried to get into the saddle, the horse tried to kick or bite him and he would whip it vigorously. Eventually the horse yielded, to stop getting whipped, but I would never be able to fully trust a horse broke that way, as he is only obedient because he has to be. If he ever gets the chance he will probably try to buck you off.

A horse was brought to me which others had tried to ride. They had petted and cared for the horse so she was not afraid, which was nice. One day they saddled her and climbed on. Having never before been saddled, I am sure she was tense at having it put on. When the guy climbed on and kicked her, she had no idea what was expected and started to run. When she got to the fence, the rider jumped off.

Later they tried again with the same results, and the horse figured out that if you ran at the fence they'd jump off. It was difficult to teach her that it was better to allow me to ride, as she had gotten the idea that everything should be her way. Again, she will never be fully trustworthy, always looking for the opportunity to get control.

After breaking a few horses myself, I prefer to ride ones which have been broken in a manner similar to the way i use. It is not technically breaking the horse, but training him. It does require more time before one mounts the horse, but avoids many future problems, and results in a reliable useable horse much sooner.

Horses are herd animals and have a definite social structure. They learn how to act by association with other horses. Learning how horses interact is useful in learning how to train them.

In order to most effectively train a young horse to ride, it is useful to separate him from other horses to prevent his being distracted by the others when you first start. Once he has the basics down, that will be less important. The same is true for small children as well. They tend to learn basic principles more quickly when not distracted by other children.

In this first step you want to teach the horse to trust and respect you, but not to fear you. In my experience, The same is true with children, and a stay at home mother has the ideal opportunity to accomplish this if she will spend the time, but like horses, this is the most time consuming step.

It is impossible to say exactly how long this first stage will take, but my experience is that the less rushed one feels, the more rapidly the job is accomplished, both with horses and children.

Once the first step is accomplished, separation from others is less necessary, as they now know they can trust you, and because they respect you, will heed your instruction. Now when you do something they do not expect they will wait to see how you want them to respond. My experienc is that I can often saddle the horse and within an hour he will allow me to ride him around the corral with no concerns.

In order to accomplish this, it is necessary to move in small steps, showing the horse what is expected at each point. After placing the saddle on the horse, I place my foot in the stirrup, then remove it, next, I place my foot in the stirrup again and gently lift myself slightly off the ground. and letting myself back down. Between steps, I lead the horse around to get him used to the feel of the saddle.

I repeat the step, going higher, until I am standing at full height in that stirrup and letting myself down. I have demonstrated that there is no reason to fear my weight so the horse stands quietly after the first couple of times.

Now I am ready to straddle the horse. He cannot see my foot as I swing it across his back, so I swing it across very slowly to keep from startling him when it appears on the other side. After a few seconds sitting on his back, I get off again and lead him around.

Completing the breaking him to ride is now just a matter of continuing to show him step by step what you are doing and what you want him to do.

These same techniques produce children who know what is right and are in the habit of doing it. The process cannot be rushed, but time spent at early simplifies later training. Practicing each step will produce confidence in what they do.

Don Fishgrab is owner of www.Parenting.DoBetterToday.com and publishes the blog BeingChristianToday.blogspot.com. He pastors Sunset Hills Baptist church and has worked as a teacher and trainer.